Last night I was walking around Downtown Minneapolis. I walked into some of my favorite places and ended up walking right back out. The Local is such a cool, beautiful place, but without friends it seems kind of lonely. Brit’s Pub was doing $2 Newcastle pints and they were packed, but I didn’t know anyone, so I left.
My bar tour ended up becoming more of a walking tour. I alternated between having a hood on and off. It was cold, but with a hood on you feel like someone could come up behind you and pickpocket you (half-joking) or you could get hit by a car when crossing the street. I guess peripheral vision is a good thing.
I walked down on Hennepin Avenue and there was a lot of action. Bright lights were shining everywhere. Mostly from theatres.
Then I came across Oceanaire Seafood Room. It looked like a place out of the Don Draper era and I think that was the point. The wait staff was generally older and they wore big white uniforms like doctors.
The bartenders were overly friendly. My bartender, Brad, wanted to know my name and wanted to make sure I was having a good time. It probably seemed like I wasn’t; I was just the big guy stitting at the bar alone. The oyster case on the way in had caught my eye so I asked Brad to recommend which ones to get. Brad called over his “oyster guy.” I ended up getting three from California and three from Cape Cod.
To my left there was a blonde lady about 45 years old. She was parked next to an old guy who looked a lot like Martin Scorcese. Martin, as I’ll call him, was wearing a tie and expensive glasses. He definitely wanted this lady to know how important he was and so he started giving her advice.
“When you are driving a car alone, you should always wear a hat or a hood around your hair. Otherwise the cops will pull you over.” The lady wanted to know why he thought that, but she was really using it as a way to get him to say that she was attractive. Finally he said, “Because they want to fuck you. Especially blondes.”
Martin then told her that he was going to get a new dog. He started reading emails aloud from dog breeders and he wanted the lady’s opinion on whether or not they sounded smart. One lady said “special” where she should have used “especially” and he thought that meant that she was not detail-oriented and shouldn’t be considered.
He brought up a picture on his phone of a dog he was interested in and her name was Molly. He started kissing his phone. He loved Molly.
“I’m working with a breeder because I want a dog like this (I didn’t look over to see what breed it was) but I want to make sure it’s small enough to fit in a basket. That way when I travel the world fighting for justice, the dog can become famous just like me. Maybe I’ll name her justice.”
I finished my oysters and was on to a “Dynamite Swordfish.” Then Martin and the lady took notice of the plates in front of me and they asked what it was. Martin said that I should get a couple more forks so they could help out. I politely declined.
Not to be outdone, Martin told Brad that he would like a “MASSIVE carrot cake with a MASSIVE scoop of vanilla ice cream. Please make sure to tell them that I want a MASSIVE piece and a MASSIVE scoop.” Martin told the lady that he had heard this new location for Oceanaire had reduced their dessert portions by quite a bit. “You have to ask for a massive piece because at the old location they were big enough for four and now they are only big enough for two.” Seeing as there were only two of them, I thought that was ok, but…
I finished up the swordfish and bid Martin and the lady goodbye. Martin seemed startled by how big I was when I stood up. He said that he liked my bracelet. It was a yellow rubber bracelet that I received at a fundraiser for a young lady suffering from cancer. When I told Martin what it was for, he said that he was going to make some of his own up and take them around the world and give them to people in his fights for justice. I wondered if the dog in the basket would have a collar with the same message. Justice.
The Problem With All That Craft Beer We’re Drinking
By Aaron Goldfarb on February 27, 2014, esquire.com
Our newfound love for craft beer may make cause a shortage in what we need to make it.
Sound the alarms! It’s not just Velveeta and Sriracha facing possible supply shortages. Currently, a world hops shortage also seems imminent.…
This is the diviest of dive bars. (at Mayfield Corner)
This! All damn day.